my take on life

new life, new cash, fast car

2008-04-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

ever wondered what it would be like have one of those jobs where you get paid for just doing things that you naturally like doing do. I like dancing but i do not think my gluts are that flexible so I am settling on being a hit person. I am willing to just break legs though. no actual killing unless you are among the annoying peeps av met.

life is beautiful and am about to graduate in december (if things go the way the way i want them to go). we all have desires and wishes and things can beatiful if we want them to be and work hard and are dealt a good card. I am hoping that things will be beautiful. I pray they will be.

so to finish up my story, if you have lots of cash and want to have some fun bullying one of your annoying friends, give me a call on 972 972 9720. I will talk to them for long (worse than poking their eye)

i need an energizer

2008-02-13T16:01:00.000-08:00

I need an energezer battery. and not just the triple a size for personal use. i am feeling like i need a break from everything. just a moment to breath and remind myself that life is beautiful. i know things will be ok.

I am also thinking of home and praying that things will be ok and saying a prayer for everyone affected.

life beginning POLE POLE

2008-01-22T11:40:00.001-08:00

that is the kind of pole pole that my pal sammy says. there is a way he says it that he actually performs the phrase by saying it (i have forgotten the name for that. thank goodness it is not in the exam)

so maisha for me is ok. first week of school and i am busy like it is the mid sem. I have started on my stuff early this semester. I have been reading and the more i read the more i realize i do not know a lot. it is kind of amazing.

I cut my hair last month and i kinda look boyish. with the pimples and the short hair, that would explain my luck or lack thereof in some issues. Cutting my hair was like a beginning for me. kind of like shedding some. Knowing that the cycle of life means giving up some things for others. (ok. i cut it coz i was too busy to maintain my hair)

what is weighing heavily on me is the fact that there are chaos at home. As i take a moment to meditate today i think of all the things we need to cut of, things that we need to give up as a nation to get something new. I say a prayer that things are gonna be nice that maisha will go back to how it was if not better and that we will be the home bila matata where we take life pole pole

end of the semester fiascos

2007-12-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

I am always fascinated by the end of the semester drama. I am always trying to finish a paper (even if I had the whole sem to finish). I always have students who have been missing class but urgently need to see me and most importantly, the sleepless nights hoping that I do well. This is the time of the semester when wine and antidepressants come in handy. Things have been so bad that for a minute there, I was contemplating suicide, until I realized I am too busy to even get time to commit suicide. If you feel me, let me know I am not alone. Trying to hang in there, it is just one more week...

sex with fat people

2007-10-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

Ok. I have never been with a fat person but i thought that title was catchy after my class on thursday.

My current favorite quote: 'of course fat people have sex, how else would you account for fat babies?' Kelly T, you are my hero. Other than being my favorite lecturer so far, she gets my jokes.

I have had that conversation with other folks. but kellly t put the fullstop on it. Yes fat people get freaky!

My interesting student this week: ON an essay on communication, he wrote about himself and his wife, yes, hilda wambui. I do not think i have been that drunk of late, i would remember attending my wedding. nonetheless, having admirers sure feels cool.

Ok. I am slim and so no fat babies with my student.

These are my confessions

2007-10-15T12:04:00.001-07:00

I have to confess that every time i hear a song about insanity. I think about myself. I am not saying that I am not sane. The voices in my head tell me that I am. Plus Joram used to tell me I am entitled to five minutes of madness every day. I tend to think that my moments occur when I am fast asleep. Unfortunately, that was not last week for me.

First of all, there is a class that is just freaking me out. Let me just say that I am afraid for my grades. I do not seem to get what is going on in that class. I do not understand the lecturer and clarification from the lecturer leaves me more confused than I was. Oh, and mmmm, I did not mention about favoritism in the class which is... oh well...

My airbed got spoilt and I had to sleep on the couch which is as comfortable as sleeping while seated. The floor was not an option as my little house has wooden floors.

I also had to go to court for a speeding ticket. I got lost and was late.

I also got me a stalker. I caught a student cheating in the exam and they kept following me around after a confrontation in class. I am only interested in stalkers who are tall and handsome and built and ....

Having been sick, I went to see a doctor who put her fingers where I do not think anything should go in. She described it as 'mild discomfort'. MILD DISCOMFORT MY A*!? After the experience, I now know why men hate going for their check-ups....

Good thing about my week, I got me a real mattress and bed and I am chasing my insanity back to where it belongs. To my dreams!

uchovu ukizidi, ona daktari

2007-10-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

OK, I have to confess, the only thing I do during my free time is sleep. Do not get me wrong. I am not one of those many slobs (although i think life would be easier if everyone thought i was, then they would not have high expectations...) I am so busy that I rarely have free time. I have to confess that I am a bit of a masochist and pain brings me pleasure (feel free to let you mind wander). If I was not a masochist, how else would i do all i do and deprive myself sleep? I am a bit of a workaholic and I like being busy, it brings me both pain and pleasure that I cannot explain. I like pushing myself to find out where my boundaries lie.

One final confession: In August I was really sick and I lost 15 pounds in a week. that made me feel sexy (no, not having to rush to the emergency room, the 15 pounds lighter). However, my sister (who is my current self-appointed mother) did not like it, and that is when she gave me the long talk about the importance of taking care of myself. I am trying. Although I have to confess that I did like the buttered garlic bread and egg diet that made me relive my pregnancy (pimples, pimples and more pimples). I now try to eat a balanced diet (spacing my drinks to morning, afternoon and evening).

I am realizing that life is precious and that i need to take life a day at a time that there is no rush, and to remember that mzee kobe always won the race because he was wise not fast. That I have to take care of myself, know what my priorities are and find out if I should get a tattoo..

All the same, I am tired and uchovu umezidi, I need to see a doc but only if he promises to inflict pain.

When am I gonna close school.

when i grow up

2007-10-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged in forever and i have missed blogging. time seems to be scarce and i have not slept for more than 5 hours in the past weeks. I have lost weight (so i look sexier...), i dyed my hair (so i look a bit different), no weird colors, auburn that i still used to use in kenya.

after many sessions of agonizing and thinking and trying to figure out what i want in my life, i have finally realized what i want.... to teach special ed kids, start a night club and be rich and maybe get a good man. Please note these three are not mutually exclusive. I want to love life and embrace it with all my heart.

...and for those who mailed me to ask me to blog more, i want to make you happy...

eight things about me

2007-08-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

After not blogging for so long, Mwas tagged me so i have to write eight unique things about me but there are rules...

The Rules are:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

ah here goes my nakedness:
1. Sometimes I am too busy or too lazy to blog
2. I am a sucker for intelligent, well gromed, well rounded guys who smell good.
3. I am sometimes pessimistic and I tend to like my own company
4. I am still trying to discover myself and I am not sure what I want to do with my life.
5. I realized I like driving fast and consequently got my first ticket ever on 9/7/2007
6.Sometimes I envy the live home mums who have rich husbands to take care of them then after the moment is over, I realize that is not what i want
7. My favorite song is the reggae version of stephen gately's song 'i believe' which I can never get on the net. Any help please...
8.I believe in angels because I have seen angels in my life - my family!

driving in texas

2007-05-30T10:27:00.001-07:00

i had always dissed my dad for his slow driving. The first day when he was taking me to Athi River, i thought oh my, I have been dumped in the bundus. later, i learnt that it does not have to take that long to travel to athi and i became a dayscholar.

ah, now, I am a slow driver. In the words of my workmate who did not want to offend me 'a careful driver'. That is great because i was using my Kenya dl to drive around and so i did not want to get caught in the wrong. I finally did my test last week and i failed the first time reason for failing? yes you guessed right, driving too slowly. the second day, i went for the test, i still drove a bit slowly but i did not fail. hooray. i hear most people fail their tests on the first time.

i have been driving in Texas for a while and i am getting used to Texas roads and Texas drivers. Texas roads all look alike! if you miss an exit, you have to move in the opposite direction to get your exit. (that took me forever to figure and i used to keep calling my boyfriend who has become my GPS)! everything is bigger in Texas! i have faith in myself and my GPS, i do not panic when lost - though i have to confess i missed a class one day because of getting lost!

drivers in Texas, they all think the driving limits are a suggestion, i am driving within the speed limit and everyone is moving past me like i am riding a bike. everyone seems to be in a hurry. ah the experience of being the slow, i mean careful driver.

club life in denton

2007-05-30T10:26:00.001-07:00

ha ha ha - i like the phrase ha ha ha.

i went clubbing yesterday night for like 2 hours and realized drinking is not so much fun. that is officially not my thing! ah and i have been teaching for too long! i bumped into 3 different students from different classes while at the club. that did not kill my mood for dancing, i still danced a bit. Moral of the story? i like working. I am looking forward to work.

ha ha ha

no i cannot sweep, I am educated

2007-05-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

it has been a while since i blogged and it feels kinda new and exciting to write. i have been busy looking for a summer job. I had a nanny job for two weeks and then the family decided to travel (suddenly)? anywho, after that small job, I realized that kids are not for me, at least for now.

After talking to my sister, she teased me that i had gotten fired. I have never gotten fired from any job (i would be wise enough to quit before i was fired). Here is a list of why the family had to 'travel':

-being used to driving alone, i may have forgotten and used an adult word when driving the kids
-my food was not so funky
-maybe i was not good at sweeping (the old am a graduate i might not know how to sweep joke)
ha ha ha so in the process of thinking about those jobs, i decided to make a list of what i hated in other jobs:
-working long hours for little pay
-not getting a contract because i could not have a drink with an old play boy supervisor
-being told to lie to donors
-not getting paid

ah my work life.
p.s.: i can really sweep clean

finally

2007-05-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

I am through with this semester. Two down and two more to go and then after that, I get a good job and get me some good money. hooray!

I am really liking hanging out today. last class was jana and we went out to celebrate. i like siku ya closi! that just plain rocks. except that this time i do not get a 10 bob from mum and use it to enjoy chips, suasage (i seriously miss kenyan sausages and bhajia and kuku porno - especially after a drink ah...-
the sausages in America are too salty and taste like crap - yes i have eaten crap)...

i was talking about closing and it sure feels nice not to be in school. now am so motivated to finish school and get me a real job in marketing, pr or any other field of communication including teaching (as long as am not teaching lower level students who download work and forget to delete the phrase 'for more information, click on this link') TRUE STORY, I WAS THERE - ONE OF MY STUDENTS...

to my future employer:
i have certificate in grief counselling, a degree in psychology, postgraduate diploma in PR and currently taking a masters in communication. My project for my postgraduate diploma was on marketing practices in non profit organizations. My thesis is on political communication and leadership. But do I say? JUST THROWING IT OUT THERE...

I just want to finish school!!!

ah end of the semester...

2007-05-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

feels as good as two other things i can mention, sorry four, i had forgotten some good drink and some ice cream, oh 5, and water... oh and a hot bath, oh and the feeling of driving a new car and you will have to figure out the other two.

am just glad that tomorrow is the last day of school. i have not finished my papers yet but it sure feels nice to just relax, even if illegally... ha

what can i say, thank you God for taking good care of me. I know things are not the way i would not want them to be but thank you for taking good care of me.

i dont understand life

2007-05-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

I dont understand life but that does not mean that i actually hate life. What it means is that every thing has a purpose (words i was advised not to use in grief counselling). My heart is with all the KQ staff family and friends.

My sis and a couple of my friends work there and am more than emotional today as I think that I may have said some last goodbyes to some of my dear friends. But as they say, life is for the living!

Am glad my sis is ok but I still have not gotten any word about my friends...

the end is near

2007-04-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

this should not be a sign held by religious leaders near a cliff because no one will think that it is the literal cliff end that is near.

the end is near - for school that is; it feels nice that i am about to close school. i like sleeping in and just enjoying the summer (i will be working and starting on my thesis so i will really not be sleeping), but an illusion is better than nothing.

plus i will have time to look and stare at other people and notice mismatched socks (the end is near, my supervisor did not have time to do laundry and thought no one would notice he had a blue sock on one leg and a green one on the other leg). Am exhausted, not blind and especially during office meetings where i try to keep my mind active...

Seeing that the end is near, I can only say thatnk God. and i mean thank you God for seeing me through this session. If there is one person I CANNOT do without, it is God.

Just to fill you in, I keep getting lost when driving. it is just a weird thing and every time I am lost, I miss Nairobi, I know most of the roads in Nairobi and getting lost in Nai would not make me want to cry (I have not yet cried when lost but i have missed a class). WHAT THAT HAS TAUGHT ME: to pray and KNOW MY DIRECTIONS - why did I not take geography classes...

sleep deprived?

2007-04-23T05:13:00.000-07:00

in life's journey, I am coming to realize how precious some things in life are, SLEEP. I would have wished to talk about what exactly you are thinking about but when it is almost the finals week and you have so much work due, you relaize all you want is sleep, too much work and too little. Rmeinds me of the saying no rest for the weary soul. Because I do not like confessing negative stuff, I am not weary but I sure would like an hour's sleep. Hooray for some sleep!

I hope when I get to bed I will not keep waking up to look at the clock and think of the work I have not done, (I am sure I am not alone). I need to go and zzzzz

so so private

2007-04-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

life can be so lonesome. when you think about it, you realize how alone you are in life. you are born alone, experience pain alone and eventually die alone. yet, within our lonesome journey, we find friends who are there for us, friends we can share our lives with.

The most important thing in life is to remember that there is a friend who is closer than a brother. Even when we feel so lonely, there is a friend who will stick close to us. It is nice to know that God is always there by our side even when things are not as good as we would want them to be, when I am down, that helps me realize that there is hope. If there is someone who can still stick by my side when things are tough (especially someone who knows what the future holds), then I know things will turn out to be OK.

happy birthday ma

2007-03-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

i love you pretty woman, Thank you for being an inspiration, you are a darling. I am glad that your heart is always young, you have helped make my life beautiful.
Forever grateful for having you as a friend

just how we like them...

2007-03-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

This has been an interesting week, I guess too much work is making me tense and I do not think I am good to be around when I am tense... It is just that time of the semester... and even with the schedule, I still find time to chitchat with my friend over lunch and the conversation turns to men (no, we are not always talking about shoes and other women). I have to confess that I do not think of myself as a good feminist. I enjoy being protected and being pampered as much as I enjoy my independence (yes I am a woman and can want both things at the same time)!

Back to the afternoon conversations; the discussion over what we like and do not like about men. For some strange reason, we got stuck on ambition, drive, motivation, go getters and (other adjectives)? Maybe we like them ambitious because we are ambitious ourselves (nice conclusion)...

Where am I going with all this? I enjoy lunches.
More importantly that it is nice to be driven, to want to move ahead, to be grateful to God for what we have and still want more, to realize that we need to be leaders because we all are leaders. It is important to have a dream and be ambitious, especially if you are man, and if you need a quality woman :)

so big and nice...

2007-03-22T13:26:00.000-07:00

ah, that was a big nice breath....

Feels nice to blog again. After a long session of silence i know someone out there missed me (especially mwas). I needed time to breath, time to start afresh after a break up, time to think what emphasis i wanted pursue in my M.A., time to think about what I want to do for my PhD (what is wrong with me?), time to remember my first sweetheart (dad) who is long gone and according to the Kikuyu euphemism, planting miaga, no dad, I do not remember liking that, if there is a way you can plant some non fattening ice cream or some nice drink that will make me giggle without making my hips bigger or giving me a hangover, pass it to your girl.

OK. so I was a bit lazy too, that is why I did not blog. I am superwoman and can grade 90 papers (including essays) in a week and still be up to date with my own school work and keep blogging for my Kenyan mates at home who will VOTE WISELY. Three different ideas in a sentence, none of which I am sure makes sense but am glad you are still reading on...

Since the last time I blogged, I got a new car that I named Ed. He is red so you can tell a lot about me...mmmmm. I got a new sweetie who graduated from play buddy to friend or vice versa. There was no public ceremony though... I realized what courses I want to do, realized which drinks I do not like and realized I do not like repetitive jobs and realized....

Feels nice to blog again. What I also realized that I have not mentioned is that God's love stretches beyond infinity; that we can always trust that there is someone who is looking out for us. Someone greater than us who has our back and better yet, who has the whole of us.

Thank you God for taking care of me.

Time to breath

2007-02-08T07:50:00.000-08:00

Life seems to move too fast. Too many things to do, too many goals to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill. Sometimes, life can be too overwhelming and at this times, want to take time to breath, time to relax and time to recharge.

The problem with being on the move is that we all think that the only time to recharge is during vacations, or weekends, or during weekends. I am slowly realizing that this is not true, we need to recharge daily, need to refocus daily, need to stop and smell the roses before the roses (or our noses) are no more.

I purpose to take time to recharge, to renew my faith and to listen to God. To let Him guide me during the day and most importantly, to let Him show me what I NEED to do today, WHEN to do it, and HOW to do it.

I will take time to breath

STARTING OVER

2007-01-24T09:07:00.000-08:00

If there is a phrase that gives me hope (besides here is free money), it is the phrase STARTING OVER. For me, it means starting afresh and forgetting all the baggage. It means that my mistakes do not count. Eer... I know that it is not totally true... What I did yesterday will affect me today but I do not have to be a slave of the past. I can start afresh, a chance to make amends, a chance to do good and a chance to make the right decisions.

Sometimes it is a lot of work to start afresh but I would rather start on a fresh page. A dawn where I have a chance to be free, a new opportunity to experience life without my ghosts of yesterday.

Why I am grateful

2007-01-23T11:29:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what tomorrow holds. I am not sure if I will see my loved ones tomorrow, (No I have not gotten a death threat). Life is full of uncertainties but what I am certain about is that I am grateful for the people in my life (Even when I want to strangle them) and the situations in my life (even when I want to run away).

I am grateful for the small things that make me smile, grateful for the small things that annoy me and teach me patience. Grateful for the people who love me, grateful for those who are indifferent as they teach me to go out of my way and care. I am grateful for Mondays because it makes me appreciate the weekend more. (Do i hear a hooray).

I may talk about what is bothering me but I pray that God helps me not to complain because I have a lot I am grateful for. I will take time to stop and smell the roses. Oh wait, it is winter....

Campus life

2007-01-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

New term, new semester, new quarter. School is school and everyone has their reasons for attending school. The best reason I have ever heard for attending school came from an engineer. Their reason was not money or a good life. Their reason? To socialize.... Now that gives school a whole new lease of life. The thing is, you have to keep good grades to be in school to socialize…

The more I look at things, the more I realize things are just the same. Students are students and life at a University is exactly that, regardless of where you are. All this became clear to me when I was in class this week and we were watching a play. (The lights were of so I could not look at people). But as I watched the play, it dawned on me that students are students, meaning the difference is the same. In English, there is no difference between students in different continents or students in different levels of their academic journey.

Here are my thoughts on school and students;
•Students will always steal pens from each other.
•Students will always be broke but have money for a drink.
•The computers in school are often used for non-academic purposes. The only exception is if some work is due.
•Procrastination is a way of life.
•Every end of semester, a 'no procrastination' resolution is made for the next semester.
•Students will always misplace their pens and be suspicious that someone has stolen the pen (even if it is the professor who was seated next to them)....
•Being a nerd is cool – oh that is just me…

ANYTHING I MISSED?

the glory is here

2007-01-18T07:38:00.000-08:00

No I am not celebrating woman's week just that this week, my major thoughts seem to center around women. (Which issue isn't)?

Having read Margaret Wanjiru's story (She is a big time evangelist in Kenya) and all her recent drama - denying her previous husband and putting both her feet in her mouth, oh and her bodyguards assaulting a journalist. With all the drama in churches, I should seriously consider which churches to attend. I rarely have time to watch TV dramas and go to church and it would be pretty cool to get both at once.

It is funny and/or shocking looking at religious drama from the outside. However, I can hardly imagine how hard it is to be part of the drama. For many people, their religious fellowships are a place to get spiritual nourishment and a place they can listen to their hearts, cry when they need to and shed a tear without anyone looking at them strangely. When this safety is violated, it affects people's sense of security and puts them in the defensive as they have to take sides. It is easy for the congregation to change churches but what happens to the leaders? Disappear? Lose their faith?

Religion shapes us in a special way and help create some values in our lives. While we may expect religious leaders to be above reproach, we should remember that they are human.

Wanjiru, even if things do not work out, do not disappear.

PS: I have taken PR courses and would be more than glad to help you, plus, I bet you pay good. I need some cash money sister!!

what does a man want?

2007-01-17T13:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first day of class this semester and I was sharing with my students something small about me. Yes, I love talking about me. I told them one of my role models is Nobel Peace Prize Winner, Prof. Wangari Maathai. She is a strong woman, by all standards. Other Kenyan women who have inspired me; my mum, my two sisters, and Muthoni Likimani. For the few who have no idea who Muthoni Likimani is, you can google her name.

I was relatively young (younger than I am now) when I read her 1974 narrative poem 'What Does a Man Want?'. That is the only book that I have read back to back on more than one occasion and thanks to me, my mum's copy looks old. (Anyone know where I can get a copy?)

This book, oh so interesting, entertaining and educational. It helped me look at life in a different way. The book was written in 1974 and when you read it today, you will still identify with the characters and realize that the issues we face are still the same issues that were there in 1974.

As I talk to my girlfriends, read other ladies' blogs, listen to my female student and watch female TV characters, I still do not get the answer to that question - What does a man want? The only person who came close to answering the question was my family studies lecturer in undergrad. She said that young women are more likely to get along with older men as the there is an emotional connection. (That is a topic for another blog), but it still does not answer the question; What does a man want?

mrembo na culture shock

2007-01-16T13:23:00.000-08:00

Every new experience comes with its own culture shock. It has been an interesting four and half months for me. Some things are starting to look kawaida to this girl so I must be adjusting. Here are lessons I have learnt so far:

•Things are not always as they meet the eye. The weird people may look more sane than me.
•People stay on the phone longer when in America. I cannot remember talking for more than ten minutes on the phone when i was in Kenya.
•If you are coming from the motherland (How some African Americans refer to Africa), you need more roughage. Almost everything here is processed.
•Be careful of who you compliment, they might think you are hitting on them.
•You do not unnecessarily wink at people. (Refer to above point)
•People here do not throw rounds in clubs unless they are very rich or they are pimping you out.
•Kenyans here are more inclined to weng even when it is pretty obvious they are shrubbing like crazy. (I still have my Kenyan accent)
•There is English and then there is American English. If you do not believe me, look at the language settings on your computer. Be sure to verify meanings!
•The more I know, the more I realize how much I do not know!

serenity

2007-01-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN CHANGE, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

The first time i heard that prayer, i was doing my internship in a rehab centre. I thought that prayer was deep, and it is. Right now in my life, I am dealing with so many things, including serious culture shock, trying to make new friends and dealing with some other issues. what can i say, life is life. au?

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY: in the fast paced life. We need serenity, peace to face life. there is nothing as disorienting as trying to face life when your thoughts and emotions are all over the place. (Trust me, I know)! We need find ways to find some serenity. We all have different ways of getting serenity; meditation, prayer, talking with significant others. Whatever you do, make time to get serenity, very important! Too many insane people. We do not need an extra...

TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CHANGE: Some things cannot be changed. That is just life. We need to accept that and learn to adjust our lives accordingly. In life, we need to make changes to accommodate things that we cannot change. It is not easy but it can be done. Move from denial and make the changes that need to be made.

COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN CHANGE: There are things we need to change and sometimes we need to get off our feet and DO! Sometimes we are too paralyzed by our fears, our insecurities and other things that make us not act. Fear can ruin our lives, we need courage! Courage to face what we need to face so that we can change what we need to change.

AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE: Wisdom, a gift from God. We all need it lest we do the 'open mouth, insert both feet' thingy... in relation to continuity and change, accepting and acting, we need the wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom to to know the needs in our lives so that we can act accordingly.

Today i say a prayer for all of us, a simple prayer that means different things to different people. To people in rehabs, people facing different situations in life. Whatever we are working through, MAY GOD GRANT US THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT WE CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT WE CAN CHANGE AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

pesa, pombe, siasa na...

2007-01-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

For the benefit of those who do not understand Swahili / Kiswahili (What exactly is the difference?), the phrase pesa, pombe, siasa na mapenzi: money, alcohol, politics/power and loving.

Now that is what makes life go round and for some, makes them dizzy. Being a Furahiday, I bet there are alot of power negotiations (in and out of the boardroom), drinks, cash and loving that is flowing freely (I miss Nairobi....)

Anywho, I realized that most of the decisions we make in life are based on pesa, pombe, siasa na mapenzi. Think about it, why do we go to school (No Mwas, it is not just to get a spouse...). We go to school so that we can get better jobs, be richer or just improve status. Why else are most of the doctors and professors jaluos??? and no it is not because they grew up at the Lakeside and ate fish, if that was it, I would be ranked up there with Einstein.

When one crosses over the thin invisible line and moves over to the side of addiction or controlling, it is all about power. And for those of us who doubt the power of money, you only need to read the papers and you will see all the interesting things people do for money. For those of us who underestimate the power of some action you only need to look at the Biblical Solomon and if you are not familiar with the story, you can think of Clinton. About alcohol, what can I say, where it flows, there is bound to be lots of politics and power issues and cash involved and some action.

The point? (Besides reminiscing about home) is to help us think of what motivates us. Are we slaves to what drives us or are we in control? If you can answer that honestly, you have a pretty good idea of where you are headed.

This blog is dedicated to my friend, james muriuki(kiki), I admire your control! YOU CAN BE ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT, AND BE ANYWHERE THAT YOU WISH! Never underestimate yourself, follow your dreams and make them true. See you at the acme!

taking care of my me

2007-01-09T10:56:00.001-08:00

I love me (and not in the kind of way I would not want my pastor to know).... ah.
I love myself, I love taking care of myself. I know that for as long as I live, I will live with my body and so I have to be good to myself. I know I can be betterd at this. Sometimes I overindulge, sometimes I do not take care of myself like I should and not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

With all the rush in our lives, and the deadlines we have to meet and the schedules we have to adhere to. oh life can be busy and exhausting... But we do not have to neglect ourselves. How much good will we be if we are too exhausted, or sick or just too burnt out to care?

At the end of the day, you need to be in good shape to work, good shape to be take care of your family and in better shape to play with your mate.

Love yourself and take care of yourself!

things that make me smile at night (and day)

2007-01-08T11:57:00.000-08:00

I love asking questions (is that why I enjoy teaching?) Could it be that am a pathological questioner? Does the word questioner exist? Will they ever find a cure for this? Will I ever stop?

In the few years I have lived, some of the questions that I have asked cannot be written on the blog (and some like the ones above should not have been written)! Will this come to bite me in the rear when am all rich and famous?

One of the questions that I recently asked my friend was what they use as a 'pick-me-up'. You know, what you do when you are feeling down that makes you smile again. Something small that makes you feel life is bearable when things are not going your way. Something that reminds you that things are not so bad... Very interesting answers there; and yes we did share some pretty interesting do-not-tell-anyone pick-me-ups....

We can only know the true character and strength of ourselves when things are tough. Everyone is often at their best (and average for others) when things are fine. What we use as our pick-me-ups tells alot about who we really are. Wisdom is knowing the thin line between using the pick-me-ups as innocent pick-me-ups and being addicted to the pick-me-ups. If we use our pick-me-ups as crutches, we have a problem, if we use them as part of problem-solving and for rejuvinating ourselves, we are on the right track! Did i get it right?

What makes me smile? You mean besides asking questions?

celebrating the milestones

2007-01-05T16:03:00.000-08:00

I love the phrase taking a day at a time. For me, it means that I know there are burdens ahead and if I worry about them now, I will be paralyzed. I hate the feeling of being overwhelmed, it is among one of the feelings that i truly dislike.

Do i hear a 'me too'?

What keeps me going is to celebrate every milestone that I make. Sometimes, I, we are too caught up in our goals and what we need to achieve that we forget to pat ourselves on the back. I am a sucker for compliments (confessions of a black sheep! eh, what happened to that column in step magazine...) and celebrations (even when there are no adult beverages... ah psyke). What this means is that for me to keep going, I have to compliment myself even on the small and to celebrate small milestones. (Does this make me too full of myself? You do not know me if you asked that question...).

The good thing about complimenting yourself and patting yourself on the back; and celebrating even small milestones is that you notice the good in others as well.
So compliment yourself everyday and you will realize that you have a compliment for someone else too.

ah... and you can start your compliment practice with me.
ALL TOGETHER NOW, Hilda makes me happy

Now that is a milestone we can celebrate

venturing to the unknown

2007-01-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life is all about taking risks. Some risks we take are calculated risks while some are anything but calculated. We may not consciously think of the risks we are take but almost everything is a risk. Applying for a job is a risk (i know the feeling), loving is a risk, being passionate about your job is a risk.

The important thing about life is realizing that sometimes things do not work out the way that we intended them to work out. Sometimes things do not go our way and the beauty of life is moving on, even when we have taken a risk and lost something special to us. It can be our time, a loved one, a job, money.. the list is endless.

As we venture to the unknown year, we can remember that taking a risk is living. Rather than just resign yourself to fate and sit down, get off your behind, dare to live and take a risk.

Cheers

ho ho ho too late

2007-01-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS, A BEAUTIFUL TIME FOR MANY, (unless you have to do shopping for loads of folk). Everyone has their personal idea of what christmas means to them. I think I am the only person who is not particularly passionate about Christmas carols, Christmas movies, Christmas decorations and the holidays in general. Christmas carols- too monotonous, Christmas movies - i dont belive in santa (unless am getting my own private santa), Christamas decorations- too much work. Christmas day - just makes me miss Christmas in upcountry when i was a young and small girl. (young and small used very correctly). This is not to say that i was not in the holiday spirit; I travelled for six hours listening to baby songs- without complaining (loudly), took my friends for a boring meeting so that they can hook up and added weight due to overindulgence. Yes i was truly in the holiday spirit.

Today being the last official day of the holidays- for me at least. i am just grateful for the new year. Grateful for the challenges i will face this year, grateful for the blessings i will recive this year and my only resolution for the year is to take a day at a time and believe that i have what it takes to face whatever comes my way.

What comes my way, comes for a purpose - to make me a stronger woman!

friendship

2006-12-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

Some friendships are for a season but sometimes, these friendships are so intense that they leave a great impact in our lives. Some friendships are for a reason and they pull us through times that we would never have gotten over by ourselves. Some friendships are forever and they mould us to be better people. Everyone has a wise saying about friendship and one that I heard from an old friend is that childhood friends are the treasure he loves because they have seen him at his worst and are still there. I am still trying to come up with my own special saying...

Today, I got a mail from a friend telling me she is going through a hard time, and all the details, made me cry... The thing about friendship is that it gives us an opportunity to grow. Friendship teaches us to deal with emotions that we usually ignore because we have to be there for the people we love. When I am listening to others share their hearts with me, I learn to share what is in my heart and to be there for my friends.

Today, I want to say a big thank you to all my friends who have been there for me in the good and hard times. I hope I am a good friend too.

Today's blog is dedicated to my 2 friends who have taught me what courage and hope is all about. Who have taught me that I can deal with all the emotions in my heart. P.E.R. and JcN, I HOPE YOU KNOW I AM HERE FOR YOU.

woman

2006-12-21T17:36:00.000-08:00

If your hot boss was sexually harassing all the workers except you, how would that make you feel? or if this hot coworker makes a move on everyone in the office, except you, how would that make you feel. IF YOU ANSWERED AM GLAD I AM RESPECTED, thank you for reading my blog. i will have another blog ready for you tomorrow....

So you think you are a hot woman/man who everyone should be interested in? if you answered no, you are not a narcissist like me and you should stop reading here...ha ha

I am not very techno sophisticated and had a hard time with setting up the blog, would you believe that? this hot woman??? OK, so I had a dear friend help me. And (it is a blog i can start the sentence with because)today when i was going through the description of blogs, mine was...a woman's journey, woman? i seriously had no idea i had crossed that line... I have always thought of myself as a hot chic, never mind that i do not wear labels or expensive perfumes (except the one i persuaded my mother to give me). Hot chic, not woman!! Woman to me...

P.S. Am not old, that is the most perplexing part! to think that mwasjd thinks am a woman. Does that mean that he would not sexually harass me??

To be a woman, you must have passed a defining moment and maybe I have and I am still in denial.

There are many defining moments, when you learn that you do not need to asks your man what he is thinking about after every five minutes, when you become an aunt, your first heartbreak, when you catch your man cheating, when you are caught, your first kiss, your first real experience, the list is endless, there are as many moments as there are people.

MY DEFINING MOMENT... no dear, not when I discovered how good adult beverages taste. My defining moment, When i had a niece ask me what sex is all bout and if she is ready to have sex. Er...caught in a corner. mmmmm. clear my thoughts, mmmm, clear my thoughts, No i had not hang out with any friends my pastor would not approve...but i still needed to clear my head.
After clearing my head, I was able to have a the (THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS I MISS) talk with her. And for me, this was one of those defining moments.

SO I am a woman... thanks mwas for jolting me back to reality...it actually feels nice. Wambui the woman!

MORAL OF THE STORY, cherish those defining moments. These moments change us. This question made me realize there is someone who looks up to me. There is someone out there who looks up to you, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!

One quick favor

2006-12-20T14:55:00.000-08:00

I am almost hanging my head as I admit to one of my major weaknesses...I DO NOT KNOW AND DO NOT LIKE ASKING FOR FAVORS. am I just proud? uh, I do not know. There is just something about favors that makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I owe the person who granted me a favor and at the top of my head I am keeping tabs and then I go like ah, I have now paid my debt. Problem is, I am not always in a position to pay back the favor.

The thing about favors for me is that I feel like the relationship enters a new level, like the power dynamics are all screwed up and I am not at the same level with the person who granted me the favor...

In any relationship, I am always trying to think of where I stand. And yes, that is too much time and energy... and asking for favors, i feel like I have lost some power there. Why am I too obsessed with power and its distribution? Does that mean I did not breastfeed enough? (that is for all my Psychology, psychoanalyst friends.) ha ha. (Am still trying to understand Engineer jokes and as soon as I do, I will drop one in).

Some favors can never be paid back. This is one of those things we logically know but are unable to emotionally process. The best kind of favors? favors that we cannot pay back and favors that come with no strings attached. Rather than fight these favors or feel indebted, I will learn to listen to what the other person is saying, "I have your back girl".

When you have my back, does that not mean... POWER SIREN! POWER SIREN!

work

2006-12-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Everybody has to work, work, work.... and the best part about work; the weekends,the leave days, the off days and the holidays :)! Any reasons to sleep in late and indulge in all the niceties of life are welcome. In case I have not mentioned this, I am on holiday and I can sleep. My only battle right now is that not being busy means I eat too much and I am fighting the battle of the bulges. I can notice a pot in my usually flat tummy. READ: beau has gone into panic mode... pots and pans and extra kilos, pounds and grams are a topic for another day's blog. Today, it is about work.

AND IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING, yes with my ability to have straying thoughts and get off topic, my classes do get interesting as I fight the battle to stay on the straight and narrow path of the syllabus.Back to work. this is the first job i have ever liked, it does not pay millions but i like it. AH....and just to know who the TAs are in a group-we went with a colleague's class for lunch after exams (as a teacher, you can do that in America) and the only folks who ordered drinks and not food were the TAs... here is how the conversation went. 'How much did that burger and chips (hizo ni crips- i dont understand how folks eat crips and burgers for lunch...) cost?' the students go like 'it was so cheap! can you imagine all this for only 4 dollars?' and then the TAs are like 'aah'. N.B. none of us ordered the burgers. My point is, we are not paid millions and I think we would rather spend 2 dollars on a drink rather than on half a burger..... Am not complaining about the pay, it helps pay my tuition and that makes me happy!

BACK TO MY POINT-I LOVE MY JOB! It is the kick ass job that I never knew I would get! Am not saying am the best teacher, but I do try... A minimum of eight hours a day working, that is alot! we all have to work and we can use those hours to make a difference in life or to whine. Whatever we call work, even taking care of our families, let us choose to do it well, to put our whole heart in it or to quit, (yes I have quit many jobs). If your heart is not in it, you are doing a disservice to not only yourself but also to the quality of your work. Put your hands where your heart is and your heart where your hands are!

And in case we meet during lunch, buy me a burger....

To hang in there or to walk away?

2006-12-18T09:40:00.000-08:00

Now that is one of those questions that I can never get a clear answer on...

I have really been thinking about what it takes to 'hang in there' and what it takes to walk way. This became an issue for reflection after my friend quit her job because she was too unhappy to be productive; when one of my friends told me she is too unhappy in her marriage but she does not know if she should leave; and when i heard another friend got engaged to her physically abusive boyfriend.

I have known women who 'hang in there' in unhappy marriages because it is the 'noble' thing to do and friends who 'hang in there' in unhappy jobs because something good might come out of it. How do we know when to walk away and when to hang in there? I am not a very patient person and I believe life is too short to be unhappy. Do i believe all days are happy days, NO! sometimes I want to spank my beau- and not in a good way, and sometimes i hope there will be surprise public holiday and I wont have to go to work.

Maybe we have been taught perseverance is the way to go, the noble way of life, the saintly way to live. I hear stories of people who have 'hang in there' and ended up being promoted, people who have 'hang in there' and their errant spouses saw the light. Granted, patience and perserverance has helped us in our lives and we have all seen the resultant fruits. But i have also heard of stories of workers who 'hang in there', and nothing came to naught. Spouses who hang in there and got infected with HIV or were violently killed.

What makes us hang in there? what makes us walk away? HARD PERSONAL QUESTION.
I salute all those who have had the courage to walk away and start afresh, leaving their jobs, spouses, and all that is familiar while not knowing what lies ahead. I also acknowledge my admiration for those who have the patience and hope to hang in there.

counting my blessings

2006-12-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

Every time that I am a bit tipsy, I really miss home and today is no exception.

Home is where the heart is and i have been having a hard time bringing my heart to America. Dont get me wrong, I love it here. I have made new friends here (you all know yourselves) and rekindled friendships from my childhood (Kui, you are as much fun as you were more than ten years ago)... But I still cannot help missing home.

The old adage 'you dont know what you got till it's gone', (and am not talking about my house keys that i lost - hopefully not in the club), is not necessarily true. I think I know what I have, I love my new friends, my new life but I miss home, I miss my roots and my roughage too.

Rather than whine, I want this day to be the day that I count all the good things I have. I do not need to lose what I have to know what I have. To all the people out there who have made a difference in my life, THANK YOU. To all the situations that have made me cry, I thank God, to all the circumstances that have made me stronger, I really thank God.
DONT WAIT TILL ITS ALL GONE TO APPRECIATE IT. count your blessings

write your dreams

2006-12-16T14:15:00.000-08:00

It has been ten years since i kept a journal. For those of you counting, that is when i was a mono! (For a clearer picture on how big my cheeks were, check me out on graduates.com ) I do not know why i stopped keeping a journal; too much work? laziness? fear that some nosy roommate would get my journal. Looking back, i think nothing in the journal would have made headlines. The only interesting thing was that i had a crush on someone else's boyfriend (like all other high school girls) and that i was struggling with some religious beliefs (like a whole bunch of people in all age ranges) . The main reason i kept a private journal was to find myself and ten years later, am still trying to find myself.

Why am blogging:
Writing my dreams, that is an inspiration i got from Mrs. Ng'ang'a in her communication class (many unwritten dreams do not come to pass as they are forgotten like a dream in the night) and something else i remember from her communication class (and popularised by Chris Karanja, though not in the communication context) communication increases commitment. I want to write my dreams that i may be more committed to seeing my dreams come true.
To keep a record of the things in my daily life that i find inspiring. I want to inspire someone else. For that inspiration thanks mwas (http://youngkenyanman.blogspot.com/).

my first day blogging

2006-12-16T13:55:00.000-08:00