One quick favor

I am almost hanging my head as I admit to one of my major weaknesses...I DO NOT KNOW AND DO NOT LIKE ASKING FOR FAVORS. am I just proud? uh, I do not know. There is just something about favors that makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I owe the person who granted me a favor and at the top of my head I am keeping tabs and then I go like ah, I have now paid my debt. Problem is, I am not always in a position to pay back the favor.

The thing about favors for me is that I feel like the relationship enters a new level, like the power dynamics are all screwed up and I am not at the same level with the person who granted me the favor...

In any relationship, I am always trying to think of where I stand. And yes, that is too much time and energy... and asking for favors, i feel like I have lost some power there. Why am I too obsessed with power and its distribution? Does that mean I did not breastfeed enough? (that is for all my Psychology, psychoanalyst friends.) ha ha. (Am still trying to understand Engineer jokes and as soon as I do, I will drop one in).

Some favors can never be paid back. This is one of those things we logically know but are unable to emotionally process. The best kind of favors? favors that we cannot pay back and favors that come with no strings attached. Rather than fight these favors or feel indebted, I will learn to listen to what the other person is saying, "I have your back girl".

When you have my back, does that not mean... POWER SIREN! POWER SIREN!