friendship

Some friendships are for a season but sometimes, these friendships are so intense that they leave a great impact in our lives. Some friendships are for a reason and they pull us through times that we would never have gotten over by ourselves. Some friendships are forever and they mould us to be better people. Everyone has a wise saying about friendship and one that I heard from an old friend is that childhood friends are the treasure he loves because they have seen him at his worst and are still there. I am still trying to come up with my own special saying...

Today, I got a mail from a friend telling me she is going through a hard time, and all the details, made me cry... The thing about friendship is that it gives us an opportunity to grow. Friendship teaches us to deal with emotions that we usually ignore because we have to be there for the people we love. When I am listening to others share their hearts with me, I learn to share what is in my heart and to be there for my friends.

Today, I want to say a big thank you to all my friends who have been there for me in the good and hard times. I hope I am a good friend too.

Today's blog is dedicated to my 2 friends who have taught me what courage and hope is all about. Who have taught me that I can deal with all the emotions in my heart. P.E.R. and JcN, I HOPE YOU KNOW I AM HERE FOR YOU.

woman

If your hot boss was sexually harassing all the workers except you, how would that make you feel? or if this hot coworker makes a move on everyone in the office, except you, how would that make you feel. IF YOU ANSWERED AM GLAD I AM RESPECTED, thank you for reading my blog. i will have another blog ready for you tomorrow....

So you think you are a hot woman/man who everyone should be interested in? if you answered no, you are not a narcissist like me and you should stop reading here...ha ha

I am not very techno sophisticated and had a hard time with setting up the blog, would you believe that? this hot woman??? OK, so I had a dear friend help me. And (it is a blog i can start the sentence with because)today when i was going through the description of blogs, mine was...a woman's journey, woman? i seriously had no idea i had crossed that line... I have always thought of myself as a hot chic, never mind that i do not wear labels or expensive perfumes (except the one i persuaded my mother to give me). Hot chic, not woman!! Woman to me...

P.S. Am not old, that is the most perplexing part! to think that mwasjd thinks am a woman. Does that mean that he would not sexually harass me??

To be a woman, you must have passed a defining moment and maybe I have and I am still in denial.

There are many defining moments, when you learn that you do not need to asks your man what he is thinking about after every five minutes, when you become an aunt, your first heartbreak, when you catch your man cheating, when you are caught, your first kiss, your first real experience, the list is endless, there are as many moments as there are people.

MY DEFINING MOMENT... no dear, not when I discovered how good adult beverages taste. My defining moment, When i had a niece ask me what sex is all bout and if she is ready to have sex. Er...caught in a corner. mmmmm. clear my thoughts, mmmm, clear my thoughts, No i had not hang out with any friends my pastor would not approve...but i still needed to clear my head.
After clearing my head, I was able to have a the (THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS I MISS) talk with her. And for me, this was one of those defining moments.

SO I am a woman... thanks mwas for jolting me back to reality...it actually feels nice. Wambui the woman!

MORAL OF THE STORY, cherish those defining moments. These moments change us. This question made me realize there is someone who looks up to me. There is someone out there who looks up to you, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!

One quick favor

I am almost hanging my head as I admit to one of my major weaknesses...I DO NOT KNOW AND DO NOT LIKE ASKING FOR FAVORS. am I just proud? uh, I do not know. There is just something about favors that makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I owe the person who granted me a favor and at the top of my head I am keeping tabs and then I go like ah, I have now paid my debt. Problem is, I am not always in a position to pay back the favor.

The thing about favors for me is that I feel like the relationship enters a new level, like the power dynamics are all screwed up and I am not at the same level with the person who granted me the favor...

In any relationship, I am always trying to think of where I stand. And yes, that is too much time and energy... and asking for favors, i feel like I have lost some power there. Why am I too obsessed with power and its distribution? Does that mean I did not breastfeed enough? (that is for all my Psychology, psychoanalyst friends.) ha ha. (Am still trying to understand Engineer jokes and as soon as I do, I will drop one in).

Some favors can never be paid back. This is one of those things we logically know but are unable to emotionally process. The best kind of favors? favors that we cannot pay back and favors that come with no strings attached. Rather than fight these favors or feel indebted, I will learn to listen to what the other person is saying, "I have your back girl".

When you have my back, does that not mean... POWER SIREN! POWER SIREN!

work

Everybody has to work, work, work.... and the best part about work; the weekends,the leave days, the off days and the holidays :)! Any reasons to sleep in late and indulge in all the niceties of life are welcome. In case I have not mentioned this, I am on holiday and I can sleep. My only battle right now is that not being busy means I eat too much and I am fighting the battle of the bulges. I can notice a pot in my usually flat tummy. READ: beau has gone into panic mode... pots and pans and extra kilos, pounds and grams are a topic for another day's blog. Today, it is about work.

AND IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING, yes with my ability to have straying thoughts and get off topic, my classes do get interesting as I fight the battle to stay on the straight and narrow path of the syllabus.Back to work. this is the first job i have ever liked, it does not pay millions but i like it. AH....and just to know who the TAs are in a group-we went with a colleague's class for lunch after exams (as a teacher, you can do that in America) and the only folks who ordered drinks and not food were the TAs... here is how the conversation went. 'How much did that burger and chips (hizo ni crips- i dont understand how folks eat crips and burgers for lunch...) cost?' the students go like 'it was so cheap! can you imagine all this for only 4 dollars?' and then the TAs are like 'aah'. N.B. none of us ordered the burgers. My point is, we are not paid millions and I think we would rather spend 2 dollars on a drink rather than on half a burger..... Am not complaining about the pay, it helps pay my tuition and that makes me happy!

BACK TO MY POINT-I LOVE MY JOB! It is the kick ass job that I never knew I would get! Am not saying am the best teacher, but I do try... A minimum of eight hours a day working, that is alot! we all have to work and we can use those hours to make a difference in life or to whine. Whatever we call work, even taking care of our families, let us choose to do it well, to put our whole heart in it or to quit, (yes I have quit many jobs). If your heart is not in it, you are doing a disservice to not only yourself but also to the quality of your work. Put your hands where your heart is and your heart where your hands are!

And in case we meet during lunch, buy me a burger....

To hang in there or to walk away?

Now that is one of those questions that I can never get a clear answer on...

I have really been thinking about what it takes to 'hang in there' and what it takes to walk way. This became an issue for reflection after my friend quit her job because she was too unhappy to be productive; when one of my friends told me she is too unhappy in her marriage but she does not know if she should leave; and when i heard another friend got engaged to her physically abusive boyfriend.

I have known women who 'hang in there' in unhappy marriages because it is the 'noble' thing to do and friends who 'hang in there' in unhappy jobs because something good might come out of it. How do we know when to walk away and when to hang in there? I am not a very patient person and I believe life is too short to be unhappy. Do i believe all days are happy days, NO! sometimes I want to spank my beau- and not in a good way, and sometimes i hope there will be surprise public holiday and I wont have to go to work.

Maybe we have been taught perseverance is the way to go, the noble way of life, the saintly way to live. I hear stories of people who have 'hang in there' and ended up being promoted, people who have 'hang in there' and their errant spouses saw the light. Granted, patience and perserverance has helped us in our lives and we have all seen the resultant fruits. But i have also heard of stories of workers who 'hang in there', and nothing came to naught. Spouses who hang in there and got infected with HIV or were violently killed.

What makes us hang in there? what makes us walk away? HARD PERSONAL QUESTION.
I salute all those who have had the courage to walk away and start afresh, leaving their jobs, spouses, and all that is familiar while not knowing what lies ahead. I also acknowledge my admiration for those who have the patience and hope to hang in there.

counting my blessings

Every time that I am a bit tipsy, I really miss home and today is no exception.

Home is where the heart is and i have been having a hard time bringing my heart to America. Dont get me wrong, I love it here. I have made new friends here (you all know yourselves) and rekindled friendships from my childhood (Kui, you are as much fun as you were more than ten years ago)... But I still cannot help missing home.

The old adage 'you dont know what you got till it's gone', (and am not talking about my house keys that i lost - hopefully not in the club), is not necessarily true. I think I know what I have, I love my new friends, my new life but I miss home, I miss my roots and my roughage too.

Rather than whine, I want this day to be the day that I count all the good things I have. I do not need to lose what I have to know what I have. To all the people out there who have made a difference in my life, THANK YOU. To all the situations that have made me cry, I thank God, to all the circumstances that have made me stronger, I really thank God.
DONT WAIT TILL ITS ALL GONE TO APPRECIATE IT. count your blessings

write your dreams

It has been ten years since i kept a journal. For those of you counting, that is when i was a mono! (For a clearer picture on how big my cheeks were, check me out on graduates.com ) I do not know why i stopped keeping a journal; too much work? laziness? fear that some nosy roommate would get my journal. Looking back, i think nothing in the journal would have made headlines. The only interesting thing was that i had a crush on someone else's boyfriend (like all other high school girls) and that i was struggling with some religious beliefs (like a whole bunch of people in all age ranges) . The main reason i kept a private journal was to find myself and ten years later, am still trying to find myself.

Why am blogging:
Writing my dreams, that is an inspiration i got from Mrs. Ng'ang'a in her communication class (many unwritten dreams do not come to pass as they are forgotten like a dream in the night) and something else i remember from her communication class (and popularised by Chris Karanja, though not in the communication context) communication increases commitment. I want to write my dreams that i may be more committed to seeing my dreams come true.
To keep a record of the things in my daily life that i find inspiring. I want to inspire someone else. For that inspiration thanks mwas (http://youngkenyanman.blogspot.com/).

my first day blogging

mh