STARTING OVER

If there is a phrase that gives me hope (besides here is free money), it is the phrase STARTING OVER. For me, it means starting afresh and forgetting all the baggage. It means that my mistakes do not count. Eer... I know that it is not totally true... What I did yesterday will affect me today but I do not have to be a slave of the past. I can start afresh, a chance to make amends, a chance to do good and a chance to make the right decisions.

Sometimes it is a lot of work to start afresh but I would rather start on a fresh page. A dawn where I have a chance to be free, a new opportunity to experience life without my ghosts of yesterday.

Why I am grateful

I am not sure what tomorrow holds. I am not sure if I will see my loved ones tomorrow, (No I have not gotten a death threat). Life is full of uncertainties but what I am certain about is that I am grateful for the people in my life (Even when I want to strangle them) and the situations in my life (even when I want to run away).

I am grateful for the small things that make me smile, grateful for the small things that annoy me and teach me patience. Grateful for the people who love me, grateful for those who are indifferent as they teach me to go out of my way and care. I am grateful for Mondays because it makes me appreciate the weekend more. (Do i hear a hooray).

I may talk about what is bothering me but I pray that God helps me not to complain because I have a lot I am grateful for. I will take time to stop and smell the roses. Oh wait, it is winter....

Campus life

New term, new semester, new quarter. School is school and everyone has their reasons for attending school. The best reason I have ever heard for attending school came from an engineer. Their reason was not money or a good life. Their reason? To socialize.... Now that gives school a whole new lease of life. The thing is, you have to keep good grades to be in school to socialize…

The more I look at things, the more I realize things are just the same. Students are students and life at a University is exactly that, regardless of where you are. All this became clear to me when I was in class this week and we were watching a play. (The lights were of so I could not look at people). But as I watched the play, it dawned on me that students are students, meaning the difference is the same. In English, there is no difference between students in different continents or students in different levels of their academic journey.

Here are my thoughts on school and students;
•Students will always steal pens from each other.
•Students will always be broke but have money for a drink.
•The computers in school are often used for non-academic purposes. The only exception is if some work is due.
•Procrastination is a way of life.
•Every end of semester, a 'no procrastination' resolution is made for the next semester.
•Students will always misplace their pens and be suspicious that someone has stolen the pen (even if it is the professor who was seated next to them)....
•Being a nerd is cool – oh that is just me…

ANYTHING I MISSED?

the glory is here

No I am not celebrating woman's week just that this week, my major thoughts seem to center around women. (Which issue isn't)?

Having read Margaret Wanjiru's story (She is a big time evangelist in Kenya) and all her recent drama - denying her previous husband and putting both her feet in her mouth, oh and her bodyguards assaulting a journalist. With all the drama in churches, I should seriously consider which churches to attend. I rarely have time to watch TV dramas and go to church and it would be pretty cool to get both at once.

It is funny and/or shocking looking at religious drama from the outside. However, I can hardly imagine how hard it is to be part of the drama. For many people, their religious fellowships are a place to get spiritual nourishment and a place they can listen to their hearts, cry when they need to and shed a tear without anyone looking at them strangely. When this safety is violated, it affects people's sense of security and puts them in the defensive as they have to take sides. It is easy for the congregation to change churches but what happens to the leaders? Disappear? Lose their faith?

Religion shapes us in a special way and help create some values in our lives. While we may expect religious leaders to be above reproach, we should remember that they are human.

Wanjiru, even if things do not work out, do not disappear.

PS: I have taken PR courses and would be more than glad to help you, plus, I bet you pay good. I need some cash money sister!!

what does a man want?

Yesterday was my first day of class this semester and I was sharing with my students something small about me. Yes, I love talking about me. I told them one of my role models is Nobel Peace Prize Winner, Prof. Wangari Maathai. She is a strong woman, by all standards. Other Kenyan women who have inspired me; my mum, my two sisters, and Muthoni Likimani. For the few who have no idea who Muthoni Likimani is, you can google her name.

I was relatively young (younger than I am now) when I read her 1974 narrative poem 'What Does a Man Want?'. That is the only book that I have read back to back on more than one occasion and thanks to me, my mum's copy looks old. (Anyone know where I can get a copy?)

This book, oh so interesting, entertaining and educational. It helped me look at life in a different way. The book was written in 1974 and when you read it today, you will still identify with the characters and realize that the issues we face are still the same issues that were there in 1974.

As I talk to my girlfriends, read other ladies' blogs, listen to my female student and watch female TV characters, I still do not get the answer to that question - What does a man want? The only person who came close to answering the question was my family studies lecturer in undergrad. She said that young women are more likely to get along with older men as the there is an emotional connection. (That is a topic for another blog), but it still does not answer the question; What does a man want?

mrembo na culture shock

Every new experience comes with its own culture shock. It has been an interesting four and half months for me. Some things are starting to look kawaida to this girl so I must be adjusting. Here are lessons I have learnt so far:

•Things are not always as they meet the eye. The weird people may look more sane than me.
•People stay on the phone longer when in America. I cannot remember talking for more than ten minutes on the phone when i was in Kenya.
•If you are coming from the motherland (How some African Americans refer to Africa), you need more roughage. Almost everything here is processed.
•Be careful of who you compliment, they might think you are hitting on them.
•You do not unnecessarily wink at people. (Refer to above point)
•People here do not throw rounds in clubs unless they are very rich or they are pimping you out.
•Kenyans here are more inclined to weng even when it is pretty obvious they are shrubbing like crazy. (I still have my Kenyan accent)
•There is English and then there is American English. If you do not believe me, look at the language settings on your computer. Be sure to verify meanings!
•The more I know, the more I realize how much I do not know!

serenity

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN CHANGE, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

The first time i heard that prayer, i was doing my internship in a rehab centre. I thought that prayer was deep, and it is. Right now in my life, I am dealing with so many things, including serious culture shock, trying to make new friends and dealing with some other issues. what can i say, life is life. au?

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY: in the fast paced life. We need serenity, peace to face life. there is nothing as disorienting as trying to face life when your thoughts and emotions are all over the place. (Trust me, I know)! We need find ways to find some serenity. We all have different ways of getting serenity; meditation, prayer, talking with significant others. Whatever you do, make time to get serenity, very important! Too many insane people. We do not need an extra...

TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT I CANNOT CHANGE: Some things cannot be changed. That is just life. We need to accept that and learn to adjust our lives accordingly. In life, we need to make changes to accommodate things that we cannot change. It is not easy but it can be done. Move from denial and make the changes that need to be made.

COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN CHANGE: There are things we need to change and sometimes we need to get off our feet and DO! Sometimes we are too paralyzed by our fears, our insecurities and other things that make us not act. Fear can ruin our lives, we need courage! Courage to face what we need to face so that we can change what we need to change.

AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE: Wisdom, a gift from God. We all need it lest we do the 'open mouth, insert both feet' thingy... in relation to continuity and change, accepting and acting, we need the wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom to to know the needs in our lives so that we can act accordingly.

Today i say a prayer for all of us, a simple prayer that means different things to different people. To people in rehabs, people facing different situations in life. Whatever we are working through, MAY GOD GRANT US THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT WE CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT WE CAN CHANGE AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

pesa, pombe, siasa na...

For the benefit of those who do not understand Swahili / Kiswahili (What exactly is the difference?), the phrase pesa, pombe, siasa na mapenzi: money, alcohol, politics/power and loving.

Now that is what makes life go round and for some, makes them dizzy. Being a Furahiday, I bet there are alot of power negotiations (in and out of the boardroom), drinks, cash and loving that is flowing freely (I miss Nairobi....)

Anywho, I realized that most of the decisions we make in life are based on pesa, pombe, siasa na mapenzi. Think about it, why do we go to school (No Mwas, it is not just to get a spouse...). We go to school so that we can get better jobs, be richer or just improve status. Why else are most of the doctors and professors jaluos??? and no it is not because they grew up at the Lakeside and ate fish, if that was it, I would be ranked up there with Einstein.

When one crosses over the thin invisible line and moves over to the side of addiction or controlling, it is all about power. And for those of us who doubt the power of money, you only need to read the papers and you will see all the interesting things people do for money. For those of us who underestimate the power of some action you only need to look at the Biblical Solomon and if you are not familiar with the story, you can think of Clinton. About alcohol, what can I say, where it flows, there is bound to be lots of politics and power issues and cash involved and some action.

The point? (Besides reminiscing about home) is to help us think of what motivates us. Are we slaves to what drives us or are we in control? If you can answer that honestly, you have a pretty good idea of where you are headed.

This blog is dedicated to my friend, james muriuki(kiki), I admire your control! YOU CAN BE ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT, AND BE ANYWHERE THAT YOU WISH! Never underestimate yourself, follow your dreams and make them true. See you at the acme!

taking care of my me

I love me (and not in the kind of way I would not want my pastor to know).... ah.
I love myself, I love taking care of myself. I know that for as long as I live, I will live with my body and so I have to be good to myself. I know I can be betterd at this. Sometimes I overindulge, sometimes I do not take care of myself like I should and not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

With all the rush in our lives, and the deadlines we have to meet and the schedules we have to adhere to. oh life can be busy and exhausting... But we do not have to neglect ourselves. How much good will we be if we are too exhausted, or sick or just too burnt out to care?

At the end of the day, you need to be in good shape to work, good shape to be take care of your family and in better shape to play with your mate.

Love yourself and take care of yourself!

things that make me smile at night (and day)

I love asking questions (is that why I enjoy teaching?) Could it be that am a pathological questioner? Does the word questioner exist? Will they ever find a cure for this? Will I ever stop?

In the few years I have lived, some of the questions that I have asked cannot be written on the blog (and some like the ones above should not have been written)! Will this come to bite me in the rear when am all rich and famous?

One of the questions that I recently asked my friend was what they use as a 'pick-me-up'. You know, what you do when you are feeling down that makes you smile again. Something small that makes you feel life is bearable when things are not going your way. Something that reminds you that things are not so bad... Very interesting answers there; and yes we did share some pretty interesting do-not-tell-anyone pick-me-ups....

We can only know the true character and strength of ourselves when things are tough. Everyone is often at their best (and average for others) when things are fine. What we use as our pick-me-ups tells alot about who we really are. Wisdom is knowing the thin line between using the pick-me-ups as innocent pick-me-ups and being addicted to the pick-me-ups. If we use our pick-me-ups as crutches, we have a problem, if we use them as part of problem-solving and for rejuvinating ourselves, we are on the right track! Did i get it right?

What makes me smile? You mean besides asking questions?

celebrating the milestones

I love the phrase taking a day at a time. For me, it means that I know there are burdens ahead and if I worry about them now, I will be paralyzed. I hate the feeling of being overwhelmed, it is among one of the feelings that i truly dislike.

Do i hear a 'me too'?

What keeps me going is to celebrate every milestone that I make. Sometimes, I, we are too caught up in our goals and what we need to achieve that we forget to pat ourselves on the back. I am a sucker for compliments (confessions of a black sheep! eh, what happened to that column in step magazine...) and celebrations (even when there are no adult beverages... ah psyke). What this means is that for me to keep going, I have to compliment myself even on the small and to celebrate small milestones. (Does this make me too full of myself? You do not know me if you asked that question...).

The good thing about complimenting yourself and patting yourself on the back; and celebrating even small milestones is that you notice the good in others as well.
So compliment yourself everyday and you will realize that you have a compliment for someone else too.

ah... and you can start your compliment practice with me.
ALL TOGETHER NOW, Hilda makes me happy

Now that is a milestone we can celebrate

venturing to the unknown

Sometimes life is all about taking risks. Some risks we take are calculated risks while some are anything but calculated. We may not consciously think of the risks we are take but almost everything is a risk. Applying for a job is a risk (i know the feeling), loving is a risk, being passionate about your job is a risk.

The important thing about life is realizing that sometimes things do not work out the way that we intended them to work out. Sometimes things do not go our way and the beauty of life is moving on, even when we have taken a risk and lost something special to us. It can be our time, a loved one, a job, money.. the list is endless.

As we venture to the unknown year, we can remember that taking a risk is living. Rather than just resign yourself to fate and sit down, get off your behind, dare to live and take a risk.

Cheers

ho ho ho too late

CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS, A BEAUTIFUL TIME FOR MANY, (unless you have to do shopping for loads of folk). Everyone has their personal idea of what christmas means to them. I think I am the only person who is not particularly passionate about Christmas carols, Christmas movies, Christmas decorations and the holidays in general. Christmas carols- too monotonous, Christmas movies - i dont belive in santa (unless am getting my own private santa), Christamas decorations- too much work. Christmas day - just makes me miss Christmas in upcountry when i was a young and small girl. (young and small used very correctly). This is not to say that i was not in the holiday spirit; I travelled for six hours listening to baby songs- without complaining (loudly), took my friends for a boring meeting so that they can hook up and added weight due to overindulgence. Yes i was truly in the holiday spirit.

Today being the last official day of the holidays- for me at least. i am just grateful for the new year. Grateful for the challenges i will face this year, grateful for the blessings i will recive this year and my only resolution for the year is to take a day at a time and believe that i have what it takes to face whatever comes my way.

What comes my way, comes for a purpose - to make me a stronger woman!